Salt The Earth Behind You

The Art Of Not giving a Sh*t.

By TSR

Text Message from one of my best friends of 20 years.

Brooklyn, NY - My friend once told me, “You have to pray not to care.” While I don’t believe in prayer, his words carried a kind of clarity that resonated deeply. It wasn’t about surrendering or giving up; it was about shifting focus—choosing where to place your energy and where to withhold it. I share this advice with every woman I know who feels overwhelmed by the relentless demands on her time, energy, and emotions. Letting go of the need to care indiscriminately is one of the most powerful acts of self-preservation.

My friend’s own story is a testament to this philosophy. His past is undeniably heavy—defined by tragedy, violence, and infamy. After his father died in a drug smuggling incident at JFK Airport in the 1970s, he drifted into a life of crime, eventually committing a murder that led to a 16-year prison sentence. His name made headlines, marked as a symbol of wrongdoing and regret. For many, the weight of such a past would be unbearable. 

For women, this perspective holds a unique power. We live in a society that pressures us to be endlessly giving—compassionate, nurturing, and self-sacrificing and nice. Fuck that.  We are expected to care deeply and constantly, whether for our families, our partners, or even strangers. But at what cost? Too often, this constant caring erodes our sense of self, leaving us depleted and diminished. To let go of this expectation is not selfish; it is essential for survival.

So how can women assert themselves in a society that is emotionally taxing by design? How do we remain cold-blooded and indifferent to the people—both men and women—who seek to harm, manipulate, or undermine us? The answer lies in detachment. Not an absence of emotion, but a deliberate refusal to invest your energy in people or situations that do not serve your well-being.

Detachment is not apathy—it is clarity. It is the realization that your energy is finite, and that to thrive, you must become selective about how you use it. It means setting firm boundaries and rejecting the notion that your worth is tied to your ability to nurture or accommodate others. It is an act of rebellion in a world that seeks to exploit women’s emotional labor.

Learning not to care was transformative. For my friend, detachment allowed him to carry the weight of his past without being consumed by it. For other women, it can be a means of liberation—freedom from the invisible chains of expectation and the constant theft of their time and energy.

We are taught to see detachment as cold or unfeminine, but in reality, it is an act of strength. To care is to give a shit, and not everyone or everything is worthy of that gift. Women must learn to wield their indifference as a tool of self-protection.