Lesbian Erasure

The Infiltration of Lesbian Spaces: How Male Entitlement and Identity Politics Are Forcing Lesbians Underground

By Ximena Rodríguez-López

New York, NY - Inclusivity is not valuable for women, especially when the people who want to be "included" are men. For starters, I utterly loathe trans-identified males who call themselves lesbians. You never hear women walking around calling themselves gay men unless they have convinced themselves that they are men and are simply "straight with extra steps." Rejecting the male is an act of rebellion, and I get why so many men want to be lesbians. Historically, men have always inserted themselves where they are not wanted, forcing women into submission through coercion, manipulation, or outright violence. Now, they are doing it again—only this time, they are rewriting the definition of what a lesbian is and shaming women for maintaining same-sex attraction and I hate that I have to write this article. 

Lesbians are at such a critical time in our history. It feels like we have all turned into private eye investigators when it comes to meeting up with lesbians in online spaces. We have no idea what man is lurking behind some fake "rad fem riot girl" profile, verbalizing all of our colloquialisms and using the "y" in women to define themselves. We have to vet every single person we interact with, questioning if they are really a woman or just another male interloper trying to worm his way in.

Not only that, but in New York, every lesbian bar is filled with men who are more than six feet tall in flannel shirts with full beards, calling themselves women and strong-arming us to date them. Their rationale? "Well, all of your sex toys are in the shape of male genitalia, so that means you are attracted to the male sex and should date us." This is male entitlement at its peak—the idea that a lesbian's sex life somehow revolves around the phallus, just because men cannot fathom a world where they are not the center of women's sexual and romantic desires.

I refuse to believe that women who strap on male genitalia devices are actual lesbians because of this factor, as I have never participated in the utilization of such devices and have always found them to be subliminally attached to the wanting for men. It is the main reason why I choose not to date any lesbian that identifies as Trans. Butch is as far as I will go, as I celebrate and am attracted to women who love being women. In the past, the studs that I have dated presented themselves as too masculine for my liking, and it was always odd because two of the studs that I dated were pregnant at some point and had children. One stud I dated left the LGBT community, got baptized, and moved in with her son's father. I say all that to say this: Lesbians are being erased, and the more women adopt a 4B lifestyle and lean on one another for community, the more the tricky male will come up with new ideas and ways of thinking to get women back to where he wants them.

Lesbian dating spaces are also under siege. Trans-identified males without bottom surgery are increasingly joining lesbian dating apps, demanding inclusion, and accusing lesbians of transphobia for maintaining same-sex attraction. Reports from various lesbian dating platforms indicate a sharp rise in male profiles identifying as women, leading to frustration and disengagement from actual lesbians seeking female partners.

Apps like HER, one of the largest dating platforms marketed toward lesbians, have seen a significant shift, with users complaining about the growing presence of men and the platform’s refusal to address the issue. Some estimates suggest that up to 30% of profiles on these apps are now occupied by trans-identified males, making it difficult for lesbians to find compatible partners. In private forums, lesbians share screenshots of men aggressively messaging them, insisting they give them a chance, and even threatening them when they refuse. In response, many lesbians are moving underground. Private social media groups, invitation-only meetups, and encrypted messaging platforms are becoming the new norm for lesbians seeking to avoid unwanted interactions with men. Some have returned to in-person networking, forming lesbian-exclusive spaces outside of mainstream LGBTQ+ organizations, which they feel no longer prioritize their interests. The decline of lesbian-specific venues, such as bars and social clubs, has further pushed lesbians to create hidden communities where they can interact without external pressure.

Not only that, Lesbian voices are also disappearing. In a world that claims to champion diversity and inclusivity, the systematic erasure of lesbians—whether intentional or not—continues to shape cultural narratives, media representation, and even political movements. The absence of explicitly lesbian spaces, the diminishing visibility of lesbian identity in LGBTQ+ discourse, and the increasing pressure for lesbians to conform to broader queer politics all contribute to this phenomenon.

For decades, lesbians have been at the forefront of feminist and LGBTQ+ activism. From the Stonewall Riots to modern battles for reproductive and civil rights, lesbians have played an undeniable role in shaping progressive movements. Yet, in recent years, the specificity of lesbian identity has been diluted, subsumed under the wider LGBTQ+ umbrella in ways that often sideline their unique experiences. While the expansion of queer identity is important, the flattening of distinctions between different groups leads to a loss of representation and resources for lesbians.

One glaring example of this erasure is in media representation. Mainstream entertainment rarely centers lesbian characters in ways that feel authentic and independent of male validation. When lesbian identities do appear, they are frequently subject to oversexualization, tragic endings, or narratives that ultimately invalidate their lesbianism altogether. The "lesbian until graduation" trope or storylines where female same-sex relationships are merely a stepping stone to heterosexuality reinforce the idea that lesbianism is not a concrete, lasting identity but rather a phase or a deviation from the norm.

Additionally, the decline of explicitly lesbian spaces reflects broader societal shifts. Lesbian bars, once vital hubs of culture and community, are rapidly disappearing. Online, lesbian-specific content often takes a backseat to broader LGBTQ+ discussions, making it difficult for lesbians to find communities that cater specifically to their needs. The expectation that lesbians must prioritize collective LGBTQ+ solidarity over their own visibility contributes to their marginalization at this point in history.

Another pressing concern is the increasing pressure for lesbians to conform to ideologies that sometimes dismiss or redefine same-sex attraction. Some narratives suggest that a refusal to consider partners outside of biological women is exclusionary, placing undue pressure on lesbians to alter their identities to fit new social expectations. This coercion disregards the reality that sexual orientation is not a political stance but an intrinsic part of identity, and any suggestion otherwise, along with coercion at the hands of men who can’t get laid, is rape.